Apparently it’s illegal to be excited now.
When I was outlining future podcast episodes, I almost skipped over this little memory from a winery in Fredericksburg. At first thought, it felt a little too small, and maybe a little too random to “deserve” a full episode. But it wouldn’t leave me alone.
One of the bartenders at the winery saw a customer walk in wearing a replica dress from a movie and she lit up. Like, full-body excitement, zero hesitation… until another bartender walked over and asked her about it. And just like that, she shut it down. She played it off like it was nothing and turned the volume of her joy all the way down. And it stopped me in my tracks because I’ve done that. A lot.
That quiet shrinking and quick scanning of the room.
“Do I have permission to be this excited? Let me see how everyone else feels first.” And I wasn’t even judging her. I think I was recognizing myself. And that was the part of it that wouldn’t leave me alone.
It reminded me of when I was younger and the things I loved felt huge to me, but only safe behind closed doors. I remember when the trailer for Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets came out, I went to the website probably two or three times a day just to watch it. I was obsessed.. I couldn’t wait for the movie to come out And in that excitement, I asked this kid in the neighborhood, who I knew liked Harry Potter too, if he had seen it. He said no. So obviously, I invited him over so we could watch it together. I thought it would be this magical, shared moment. I was hyped.
So, we go inside. My brother is in our shared room (older than us, too cool for everything)… and I pull up the trailer, hit play…
…and the neighborhood kid immediately starts cracking jokes.
He was mocking the lines and trying to make my brother laugh… acting like he didn’t care at all.
And I remember sitting there thinking,
“Wait… you were excited two minutes ago. Why are you acting like it’s stupid now?” And I think that’s when something in me shifted.
When excitement turned into something I had to guard, or when being “too into something” started to feel embarrassing, or when I realized other people might think being joyful made you childish or uncool. And from there… I started shrinking and monitoring. Not because I didn’t feel excitement, but because I didn’t feel safe showing it.
So when that bartender did the exact same thing years later in Fredericksburg… it hit a nerve. And the more I sat with it, the more I realized… sometimes the smallest moments hold the biggest truths. So, I surrendered to it and followed where it took me, and it’s become one of my favorite episodes I’ve ever done.
Because almost all of us have learned to dim ourselves a little. There’s been a time or two when we’ve had to make sure we weren’t being “too much.”
But I’m in a different place now.
I don’t see any correlation between age, coolness, and joy.
People are who they are. People love what they love.
And honestly? I think that’s the coolest thing in the world.
This episode, fittingly the Season 4 finale, gave me the space to unpack all of that. Not in a preachy way, but in a real, human way.
It’s been out for less than a week and it’s still bringing up stuff for me. It’s still making me remember all the times I muted myself. And all the times I wish I hadn’t.
Maybe that’s why it needed to end the season.
Because joy is not “too small” to talk about.
If any part of this feels familiar… you’ll probably feel seen in the episode, too.
And honestly? You deserve to.